


A Wild Ride

by PunxBoy117



Category: American Idiot - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, I think this is fine as mature, M/M, another one of those, it's not uncommon in the fandom I guess but I wanted to toss this into the mix, just mentions, just ya know, st. jimmy is johnnys alter ego/alter but, there's some references to abuse but nothing graphic, they still have this intense relationship and things go down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19134142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunxBoy117/pseuds/PunxBoy117
Summary: Johnny reflects on what happened in the city. To say things were intense would be an understatement. At the end of the day, he still wonders whose story people should listen to.





	A Wild Ride

                I don’t even know where to begin.

                It’s been a long time since I thought about him, a long time since I felt like he was just beyond my reach… and yet so far away.

                How did it all start? I say it simple enough: Oh well, Tunny moved away, and then I met a girl, and then I shot up, and suddenly he was there.

                To say that we ignored one another at first… That I was scared beyond belief… That may have been a little white lie that I told myself so I could put distance between my past and my present.

                What happens when you dream so vividly that your reality begins to blur and suddenly you wake up and… _he’s_ there… In your _fucking_ head?

                The man who was there in the bliss of the high, kissing you hard and rough until your head was spinning. He was a man, whose body wrapped around yours, hissing dirty filthy words that left you gasping for more. For that night you were in his complete control. He left you moaning his name into your pillow like a prayer before bedtime.

                How do you cope when you wake up to those sparkling eyes? His voice suddenly all around you, _inside of you,_ making you realize just how insane you fucking are.

                Suddenly those little black parts of your memory make sense. Like the day after eating bad seafood and you feel like you’re going to die. In that moment he’s making a deal with you, a deal with... Yourself?

                The black parts of your memory get worse and worse, and some nights you wake up with new bruises and injuries without a clue how they got there. Other nights you wake up to the stench of loveless sex and a complete stranger next to you.

                Between the heroin and those confusing nights I don’t know how many times he teased me. His rough hands wandering down my body as he breathed horrible nothings in my ear, causing my breathe to hitch only to abruptly leave me in my own thoughts.

                It was abuse but I drank it all in like it was the shit I was injecting into my veins. I was putty in his hands and he knew it. He used my body all he liked and my only plea was to spend time with her…

                It was love but I was too weak to admit it. I fell into her like she had crashed into my imagination. She made me see the stars again. She invited me to spend my time with her and I eagerly gave her the meager rations I was granted.

                She was nothing like he was; she was a fire that burned brighter than a thousand suns. He was like the first plunge into an icy lake. She had a tenderness that made you feel soft on the inside. A tenderness that made the bad things your head almost as fuzzy as the drugs themselves did. He had a roughness that pumped adrenaline into your blood. A roughness that pinned you down until the thrill of the ride made you forget everything around you.

                If you heard her story, she would say that I chose him over everything. That I chose to chase her away by the waving of a knife and shouting of words I would never, ever say. If you listened to her she would caution against trusting a partner you spent so many hot and wet nights with, slowly mixing together like there was liquid lead in our bodies. Because the moment you decide that you wanted to do better, he will decide he preferred the way things were.

                If you hear my story… I would tell you that _he_ drove her away. That he took control like he had never before, like a gunshot to my head and in that moment I really thought it was the end. There was so much pain, my vision blurred, and I was thrown into darkness. When I came to I had realized that he had crossed a final line. Leaving me with nothing but rage, a bloodied fist, and a broken mirror.

                If you hear my story… maybe you would realize that I really was insane… That maybe… She was right.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think the "A/N" thing is needed anymore cuz... Yeah... But hey this is my first fic on the site! Something I dumped out one night with minimal editing. Just touching up things here and there. My apologies if the grammar is... Less than stellar. I always do my best! This was a bit shorter than I initially realized but meh, it's over 500 characters so that's good enough I guess. It doesn't precisely follow play canon either, but, eh... It is what it is.


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